She's JV to your varsity
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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