you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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