That's when you crack a 10am beer
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
