I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
