im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
