Betty ford says i'm here all night
it hurts more in the daytime
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How external is "for external use only"?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
