I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
