we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
