Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
