I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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