Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
