There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
