I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
