well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
