At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
