I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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