So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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