is your mom at the bar?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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