just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
