I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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