Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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