well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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