i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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