We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
