before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize