i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
