Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
