You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
