Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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