At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
