there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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