i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
