i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
