I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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