i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
