Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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