I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
