Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
