Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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