how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
