My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
