I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
