I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
