let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
