Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
