Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
