i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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