I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
