Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
