...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
