she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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