you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
