oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
