Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
