had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
