I looked at my own cervix.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
