I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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