he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is the high leading the old right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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