google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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