just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize