Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
