i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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