Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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