Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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