i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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