ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Still dying that you shit outside
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
