We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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