whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
